Pink rock with a line of black wrapping around it. A crystal known for healing emotions connected to “unwanted memories” and renewing self-acceptance, love, and peace. What does this stone mean to me? What could it mean for you?
I don’t know how many of you have experience with crystals and their spiritual meanings but if you have been putting off learning them, think of this as your sign. It wasn’t until I asked the universe for a sign on my way to school five years ago that I was introduced to my spiritual journey. I was going to the College of Southern Nevada at the time and had to switch campuses for one year due to scheduling. I can’t recall why I needed that sign, but I knew I was in need of something else to guide me in my time of need (I was already in therapy for a year).
I needed a community.
Upon finding this shop, I gained life-long friends and a connection to spirit when I truly needed it.
On my way home, before I could get to the freeway there was a literal sign next to an entrance for a strip mall. “SAGE” in huge, black letters caught my eye. Merging right then turning into the entrance, I searched for the crystal shop. Back then, the shop was smaller, located in the middle of the strip mall. Heatwaves were already in action when I stepped out of my car. The sun heavily beat down on my skin as I made that short walk to the door.
There was a chime when I stepped through, heavy amounts of sage, palo santo, and patchouli engulfed my senses. New-age music played softly throughout the store. A friendly staff member greeted me with a hug and she guided me around tables and tables filled with crystals. Tourmaline, Onyx, Opal, Angelite, Quartz (clear, pink, smokey, aura), Amethyst, Tiger’s eye. You name it, they had it.
I was home.
Fast forward to now, I’m not an expert by any means, and it’s not an everyday habit of mine to work with crystals. I just have a better understanding of them and what they could help me with.
As an adult, I’ve had my fair share of ups and downs, lows and highs. I never saw the closing of my chapters as renewals. This month’s theme was challenging to me, I couldn’t come up with what renewal actually meant for me. I understood marriage vow renewals but didn’t think the word could have any portrayal in my life. But when it came down to it, my reflection showed me that I am currently going through it.
I have always gone through it. Like reptiles, everyone sheds off the old in order to make way for the new.
This winter wasn’t the easiest for me, at least mentally. Emotionally, I was in a funk that I couldn’t shake up until recently. The beginning of this year has been tough for all the losses my family, friends, and I went through. At the same time, I was getting myself out there with my writing. I had a poem published in UNLV’s Creatives Arts Journal and worked with classmates on an anthology book where my short story was featured in. I began this position with LYF.
I was in a funk but, finally, I didn’t let it stop me. It didn’t derail me. I had a duty not just for myself but for the little one I have at home. I choose love. I choose peace. Most of all, I choose myself.
In last month’s blog, I talked about my abyss and how to escape the unknown. If you haven’t read it yet, I suggest taking a look after reading this one. I’m biased of course.
Pink opal is about renewal for self-acceptance. When I got the stone there was a small part of me that didn’t want to understand what that meant. That’s still the abyss trying to drag me back down. But Selina, how did you accept yourself? Well, fellow reader, I had to start healing again. I don’t know if it’s just the part of getting older (30s I’m heading your way) or if I am finally healing myself of old attachments that I forced myself to hold on to.
I have to accept the things I can’t control. I have to accept that I have issues I still need to deal with. I have to accept the fact I need to say goodbye and let go. I have to love myself for who I am now.
I have to remind myself that I am human too.
Grief still lingers in my soul because it shows how much I loved the people who no longer reside in my life or this plane. It’s okay to hold onto that love and have peace without their presence.
Once again, my eyes are open to growth. How much I have healed even though sometimes it feels like I haven’t. Breaking those bad habits that could be called self-sabotage or breaking the chain that kept me from moving on.
When you stay in that pain from the past, you are stuck in that period. Time has moved on, but you feel no different. You don’t feel your growth because the pain you hold onto has blinded you to it. If you kept one foot in front of the other, you were still on your way to growth. You may have thought your path was erased or veered off course.
As long as you keep going and living, your path will become clear again.
Holding this pink crystal, a small chunk broken off between my fingertips does help to keep me calm and centered. Helps me stay focused while I write this post. Looking down at the paper with its descriptions and properties, I notice there is an asterisk at the bottom suggesting to hold it during a prayer or while I close my chapters.
During this point in my life, I am trying to find out who I am. Not the woman who is married or a mother. Who am I as an individual? I know it's hard for a lot of mothers to do this, and I know many don’t care to. But I lost myself before getting to the point I became a wife and a mother.
If I don’t know who I am then how will my family be able to get to know the real me?
I’m not saying to ditch your kids or spouse, but if you get some spare time for yourself can you tell me what you like to do alone? Can you tell me what your passions are? What about when you step away from technology? What is the first thing you want to do just to pass the time?
I have held onto my trauma and past pain for so long that I was terrified to find out who I was without it. Those things that happened to me are not what make me, me. They are not my personality. I let the bad tarnish the good for way too long. I want to be able to look back and see them in a different light. I want to be able to smile again.
I need to make peace with who I was then. Peace with what had happened. There is no way to change the outcome. Holding onto pain will only deter you from the things you want in your life. I have power over those “unwanted memories”; they no longer control me. I am healing, and I have miles to go, but I have come so far that it would do me a disservice if I didn’t keep going.
I remember telling a dear friend that it still feels like I’m sixteen, like nothing has changed, then jokingly retracting what I said because I had spent some time with a teenager who was actually sixteen. Thinking back on why I felt that way was because I was stuck in the period that had haunted me. I carried it with me even though life kept moving on. I felt like I was being left behind mentally, but I wasn’t. I just couldn’t see past the pain. This was almost a decade ago. It wasn’t until this year that I realized how far I have come. Dealing with pain and healing from it has no end date. Everyone heals differently.
Growth comes in all shapes and forms.
A date to when you feel better is not necessary. It will come when the time is right for you. That was a hard pill to swallow. But I wasn’t aware of the pain and how it was derailing me until a few years ago.
Now, I am able to understand that growth is a process, sometimes stop and go, but a process nonetheless. I am coming back into my spirituality, and I am where I need to be with it. That’s the thing about growth, you can always come back to it. Once you learn to have peace within yourself. Once you try to learn to love who you are. There will always be a sense of renewal.
So, reader, no matter where you are in your journey there will always be instances of renewal when it finally clicks. Maybe sit with some pink opal and see where it takes you.
About the Author
Selina Wells is an undergraduate at UNLV and aspiring author. She is interning at The Love Yourself Foundation as a Blog contributor and Editor. Her work “That Girl” can be found in the creative arts journal Beyond Thought. When she isn’t reading and writing, she is chasing after her two year old son with her husband, Alan. Currently, Selina is working on her first novel. Follow her journey on Instagram @mrs.swells