It Takes a Village

Did you know that elephants form strong emotional connections with each other? They console each other during times of need, rely on one another, and travel in groups.

Elephants are beautiful, complex creatures, and the empathy they contain has been studied for years. They are just one example of how a species depends on each other emotionally. As humans, we can learn a lot from their behavior and incorporate these traits within ourselves.

How Individualism Takes Over

Humans are naturally social creatures, yet our society teaches individualism. While individualism isn’t inherently harmful, we must think about when it goes too far. When you find yourself closed off from social interaction, you get so used to taking care of yourself, keeping yourself entertained, and being your own best friend that you forget about those who care for you. 

This happens gradually through our adult routines. We have so many responsibilities that it’s easier to focus on just ourselves and try to float on. Our work lives take over, and our social lives suffer. This is all by design. Cities are not built for congregating in the streets; they’re built for cars on their way to work. Restaurants are built for fast service, including drive-thrus to avoid going inside. Stores are built to prioritize quick service with self-checkout to avoid any social interaction. Even our jobs are built for clocking in and out.

These systems and infrastructures close us off from coming together meaningfully. Planning get-togethers with friends slowly becomes impossible. Meeting with family gets reserved for holidays. Those without significant others navigate a superficial dating scene that is not often in their favor. 

Due to these factors, we spend so much time alone. Those who struggle mentally or who have physical ailments can have an even harder time in their social lives. Other elements such as money, stress, grief, and sickness, can force us to stay home and isolate. As we get older, this isolation becomes our norm. Yet, our souls crave connection. While there is benefit to taking time for yourself, what happens when you’re not able to? Life gives us all kinds of challenges. When we face times where we must rely on someone else, do we know who we can call? 

Unexpected situations throw us for a loop. For example, say your mother is extremely sick, and you have to carry the burden of paying for her medical expenses. Who is there to take care of her while you take on extra hours at work? Sometimes, we find ourselves in difficult situations, and all we need is a helping hand. This is where the importance of community comes into play. We may think we already have a community, but we must first examine exactly what this means.

Defining Community

A community is a group of people who have a connection and provide mutual support to one another. Communities are born from shared interests, hobbies, a culture, or values. Communities ideally live relatively close to each other and can be physically present during a time of need. Those within a community find a sense of belonging in the group and form strong emotional bonds. 

You may read this description and immediately think of your group of friends or your family. You are correct, since you have all of these things in a friend group or in a family. But, it’s important to remind yourself that this goes beyond your inner circle. Your friends, family, or significant other are all important individuals in your life—though there is always room to extend this care to others. 

After all, there will be times when your inner circle is not always available to you. Your parents may live in another state, your friend can go on vacation, or your significant other leaves on a business trip. Some may not even have an inner circle to rely on in the first place. This is why community is so important. 

We must think outside of our immediate family when we think of who our community is. Especially in a country where individualism is so heavily emphasized, it’s easy to get swept up in keeping up with our inner circle, but what about the other people around us?

How to Build Community

According to a poll conducted by the Pew Research Center, only 26% of adults in the United States say they know most or all of their neighbors. This percentage of respondents are over 50, live in upper-income rural or suburban areas, and/or attend in-person religious services at least monthly. 

With such a small percentage, we must ask where the disconnect lies with other demographics. Are we too busy? Too different from our neighbors? Too shy? Whatever the answer is, it’s time we close this gap. In a world so divided, it can be hard to trust those you aren’t familiar with. Even if you don’t have a strained perception of your neighbor, do you have a relationship with them? Do you visit their home, cook for them, or water their plants while they’re away? 

We don’t get to choose our neighbors. They may play music a little too loud for your liking, may not speak the same language as you, or may not have the most presentable yard. Despite their differences and quirks, though, they are still human. They are deserving of compassion and understanding. You can always take the time to get to know them on a deeper level.

A simple nod or smile to one another is a good start, but how do we go further and break down some of those walls? Acknowledgment or small talk doesn’t exactly enable trust or friendship with your neighbor. Sometimes, it only takes a small gesture to create a connection. Perhaps baking cookies for them on a holiday, or doing small favors like raking leaves from their lawn, could be what it takes to get them to open up. Maybe engaging in a conversation where you try to get to know one another is what it takes. Offering a helping hand or inviting them over for a meal will let your neighbor know they can trust you. 

Of course, it’s important not to overstep boundaries and make your neighbor uncomfortable. Being too pushy or too involved may make them feel like you are forcing a relationship with them. Be patient, take it slow, and feel the relationship out. Maybe you try to connect with one neighbor at a time, or maybe you try to host gatherings in the neighborhood to appeal to multiple neighbors at once, like a neighborhood potluck in a nearby outdoor area. 

Remember that every person is different, and they may feel more hesitant than others to trust strangers living around them. However, with so many different personalities, there is bound to be one person you connect with in your neighborhood. It takes time to build a community. If for some reason your efforts are coming up short or your neighbors are simply not interested in building a community, there are other avenues to building one. 

Spark conversations with someone while you wait in line at a coffee shop, or become a regular at the coffee shop and begin conversations with the employees. You can always compliment someone's outfit, or bag charm and lead the conversation from there. Or simply ask how their day is. You'd be surprised to see how many great conversations can start from simple openers such as these. 

Find events happening in your city that relate to your interests and get to know others who attend. There are plenty of free events here in the city! Did you know that LVCCLD and Henderson Libraries host social events for adults? You can also go to larger events, like First Friday in the Arts District, to meet a wide variety of individuals. Create your own events that relate to your interests. Talk to a familiar face whose name you don’t know. Find people who also seek community. While you may think it’s all pointless if you already have your inner circle, it’s important to break down the barriers you may have and accept others into your life.

How to Depend on Community and How They Depend on You

Whether you have found a community or are actively trying to build one, it’s vital to understand why you need each other. Communities invite the opportunity to become more sociable and feel stable in your connections. If you know others care about you and will care for you, you’ll always have someone to rely on during a time of need.

When you are sick, someone from your community may have the right medicine in their cabinet for you. They may make you a delicious soup. Or, they could run errands for you that you are incapable of completing yourself. Your community can uplift you in ways you would never expect. They will celebrate your accomplishments, put a smile on your face, and show up during important life events.

While independence may be your default, dependence is vital, and as much as it is important to rely on others, you must reciprocate as well. If someone in your community is in need, you help in any way you can. Remember what they have done for you, and try your best to return the favor. Reciprocation is how you build trust, and dependence becomes a little easier. Dependence becomes natural, and the individualism perpetuated by society fizzles out.

Returning to my metaphor of elephants, we should care for and console each other. We should band together for survival, emotionally and physically. Through our collective efforts, we can build a larger, stronger community. From there, we can come together and depend on each other for support. In doing this, a divided, hardened society can soften and become less hyper-independent. Dependence is not a sign of weakness; it’s an indicator of strong individuals who become united to provide support for each other.

About the Author

Leilah Ortega is a Journalism student at UNLV with a concentration in Social & Digital Media. She is currently in her senior year and plans to graduate this Spring. After she graduates, she plans to pursue a career in journalism and make a change through her work. Leilah is Vice President of the National Association of Hispanic Journalists’ Las Vegas chapter. In her free time, she likes to draw, listen to music, and write.