Don’t Let Fear of Perception Consume You

Do you ever feel as if your every movement is under a microscope for the public, so they can judge you and treat you as a laughingstock? Have you ever caught yourself changing your behavior in fear of how others will think of you? You, my friend, must learn to get over the fear of perception. 

Of course, the reason many of us have this fear is due to deep-rooted insecurities we have no idea how to control. Our insecurities are not necessarily our faults but still a responsibility we bear. However, in order to heal ourselves, we should always strive to take care of ourselves the best we can—and this includes letting go of our fears and insecurities. 

Detach Yourself

In 2024, Girls star Jemima Kirke was asked for advice for “unconfident young women” on her Q&A Instagram story. She responded with the following: “I think you guys might be thinking about yourselves too much.” This became a meme that serves as a reminder for many: to detach yourself from your own mind. 

Personally, Kirke’s reply kind of snapped me into reality. I was an unconfident young woman, and I constantly thought of the worst things people could be thinking about me. Were they talking about my weight? My personality? My frizzy hair or my asymmetrical face? After seeing her response circulate on the internet, I realized she was right. I was thinking about myself too much. 

Living in fear of what others might think of you is a form of harmful self-obsession not many talk about. The thought that people out there are constantly surveilling your every move, watching and judging, waiting for a slip-up can become so ingrained that you begin to police yourself. You begin to perform and lack authenticity, all due to the imagined audience. This is pure self-sabotage. In a weird way, this belief is kind of selfish.

Self-surveillance to this degree reminds me of the Panopticon concept, a circular prison design created in the 18th century. Prisoners were arranged in cells around a tower, unable to see the guard watching, so prisoners behaved as if they were being watched. In turn, we are similar. We internalize this idea that we are always being watched, that we lose authenticity and become our own guards. 

So, next time you feel the fear creep up, detach yourself from this way of thinking. Think less of what others might think of you, and begin to think of all the things that you like about yourself. Find ways to practice gratitude for the parts of you that you feel would be held under a magnifying glass. For example, if you hate your body, feel appreciative of all the things your body does for you. If you have a really loud laugh, think of it as a charming aspect of your personality. 

Detaching yourself means stepping out from this internalized prison guard mentality. Reality is, most people are focused on their own lives to judge your life. Who cares if people think you’re “cringe”? Detach yourself from that frame of thinking and instead think: At least I am free. 

Unpack Your Insecurities

To let go of this fear, you first need to understand the root of your insecurities. A fear of perception always stems from fear of judgment and ridicule, and for that we must ask ourselves, but why am I so scared? 

Insecurities often come from past experiences that stuck with us: bad familial experiences, rough childhood upbringings, or terrible puberty stages. We can all point back to a time in our lives that still hits hard to this day. For example, when I was in middle school, one of my classmates made fun of how hairy my arms were. It really hurt, given that I am Mexican and it is just a genetic trait I cannot control. I have shaved my arms ever since. 

For this practice of unpacking your insecurities, jot down in either a journal or your notes app all of your biggest fears and insecurities based on others’ perception of you. Let it all out. Do you fear not being liked? Being too weird? Are your insecurities image or body-based? That people notice all the imperfections you notice about yourself?

Think of all your self-doubts and really ponder why you feel this way. Is it really worth spending so much time worrying about such mundane things? In reality, when you are in public, do you hold such a critical lens to those around you? Do you notice those tiny little things about people, such as cankles or uneven eyes? Probably not, and even if you do, you probably don’t care. That’s how most people think when they see you out and about. 

If you happen to be hypercritical of others, challenge your own narrative. The reason we judge others so harshly is because we ourselves aren’t completely happy with who we are. You can lessen your critical lens by finding the good in people around you! Anytime you see someone, think of something nice about them, even compliment them. When you’re routinely judgmental, you tend to feel as if the same is done to you. It will take some mind shifting, but once you learn, it'll be a whole new world. 

However, there are those few people who take joy in nitpicking others. Instead of drowning yourself in panic over what this minority of people might think, instead think: Why should I care what someone like that even thinks? In fact, hypercritical people generally tear others down to bury their own insecurities. If there are individuals out there who notice your worst parts instead of seeing you as human first, feel sorry they resort to those tactics in the first place, and instead make the effort to detach yourself and them from your insecurities. 

Fake It Till You Make It

As someone who has always feared what people thought of me, I can say with absolute certainty that one of the best things you can do for yourself is to pretend to be confident. On the days I walk with a little more conviction and tell myself that I am worthy despite everything, I notice a difference in how I feel. I even notice how others see that I exude confidence. In turn, I start to actually feel the confidence I was initially feigning.

Being confident doesn’t mean you’ll never be insecure. Even the most conventionally beautiful, high-profile individuals who walk this earth feel insecure and also fear what the public thinks. However, choosing to push through the insecurity despite your fears will help you gain confidence. The concept of “fake it till you make it” isn’t about falsifying a part of yourself—it is about practicing bravery until it becomes something you own.

A good way to do this is by creating an alter ego to live your day-to-day life by. Even the biggest superstars have their own stage personas: Beyoncé’s Sasha Fierce, and Lady Gaga’s Jo Calderone, for example. Pick a fun name to go by, or even tell yourself, “I have my diva hat on today,” and behave as such. If you want to be someone who walks with confidence, has good posture, and is a social butterfly, wear your persona and act your heart out. You’ll soon be able to adopt these elements without even needing the alter ego. This is a powerful way to use the law of attraction and also deprioritize what others think.

Every single time you do something you aren’t usually comfortable with, you are expanding your horizons and gaining life experience; thus, the perception of others loses its power. So, start small! Give people genuine compliments, walk around the mall with a good playlist, or even go to a movie or dinner alone. Treat these outings as exposure therapy for yourself. The more you do things that scare you, the more confident you’ll feel.

Live and Let Go

One thing that has helped me on my worst days is realizing how short life truly is. It is a waste of precious time to let fear consume my life and prevent me from living. It wasn’t until a year ago, on my twenty-third birthday, that I realized I had spent most of my life caring so much about others’ opinions that I barely lived for myself. Now, I strive to not care as much as possible so that I can live freely. People will always have an opinion, and I will never be able to please everybody. The only person’s opinion I should truly value is my own.

Imagine yourself thirty years from now. Do you want to be middle-aged, having spent your formative years insecure and valuing other people's opinions over your own? Will you regret the past thirty years of your life because you didn’t chase what you wanted?

If the answer is yes, you need to find the courage within yourself to start living more authentically and work towards being the person you actually want to be. When you finally let go and stop performing for approval, life immediately feels less heavy.

To come back to Kirke’s quote, a big component of letting go of others’ perception is to understand that no one is thinking about you as much as you think they are. Instead of taking up so much time obsessing over what others think of you, take the time to start being yourself. 

Take every day as a challenge to face your fears. Don’t let them eat you up while life passes you by. 

About the Author

I’m a Journalism and Media Studies major at UNLV, expecting to graduate in the Fall. My role as an intern is Blog and Newsletter writer here at LYF. I hope to learn more about writing and gain skills during my time here. I’m passionate about all things creative and believe that art should take center stage in our life to preserve humanity. I love to read, write and watch sitcoms in my free time! Most importantly, I live and breathe music.