There’s an Imposter Among Them: An Interview on Imposter Syndrome

At the official I Am Love film screening fundraiser this June, I had the pleasure of watching the mental health panel discussion. Our founder and moderator, Monica Garcia, asked the panelists what they noticed was the biggest mental health struggle in each of their respective fields, and one answer was particularly relevant to me and to this month’s theme.

Gary FX LaMorte is a restaurateur, the founder of Honest Hospitality, and one of LYF’s donors, who spoke on the panel representing hospitality workers, one of the major audiences we seek to uplift as an organization.

His answer to that question, which he has witnessed as a recent change over his years in the industry, was that the people he works with experience low self-esteem stemming from the belief that they are not doing enough. People, now more than ever, don’t consider their work something to be proud of.

As someone who suffers from the same feeling, his commentary spoke to me very directly.

I have recently completed an associate degree, and I feel that it’s not enough. I should have transferred and kept schooling until I got a bachelor’s. I should have gotten my degree in fewer years. I accomplished it, sure, but not well enough to take pride in myself.

I have recently completed two internships and was required to organize a portfolio displaying the work I had done in them. I struggled to format the portfolio. I believed it wouldn’t adhere to the expectations of my instructor and I would accept a low partial grade. I received only positive feedback, but I still believed it wasn’t enough. I should have been able to generate more leads, more social media traction, more content. I should have been able to produce a better-organized document. I accomplished it, but not well enough to take pride in.

LaMorte spoke to all of those thoughts and feelings when he spoke on our panel.

I got a chance to speak with him and highlight those observations in more detail for you, our readers, especially those who weren’t able to attend our event last weekend.

Question 1:

Firstly, Monica asked on the panel what you recognize as the biggest mental health obstacle in your field, which is when you brought this particular issue to light. Could you reiterate for me what you've been noticing and how it impacts people's mental health?

“Lately, I see a trend of concerns around accomplishment and success. With such a wide perspective of the world through social media, there is a great deal of pressure that I believe to be unreasonable for the average American and a sense that we are all in competition, and that is not accurate as literally as our minds might want to believe.”

Question 2:

You've worked in hospitality for a long time. When did you notice this becoming a major concern for the people around you? What do you believe was the catalyst for this change?

“As we solve for one issue, the next rears its head. We will always be focused on our overcoming challenge, so we will always have something nagging out our consciousness. I can’t speak for everyone else, but personally, I see an expanded expectation for ourselves as healthy as long as we don’t let it undermine our appreciation for life and happiness. It is a personal choice and mental discipline to remain confident in ourselves and our progress! I have seen major issues be resolved—we just need to focus on continual improvement.”

Question 3:

You also expressed a difficulty in how you can reassure people who are struggling to feel like their work is enough to be proud of themselves for, without "putting them in a box." Can you elaborate on that obstacle?

“If we all compare ourselves to the top 1% of our chosen field, we will be perpetually dissatisfied. Many individuals start with advantages that our own families could be two generations away from. It is unfair to believe the opportunities are equal and have expectations to match. Moonshots happen, but they are rare for a reason.”

Question 4:

What changes do you believe a person must make on an individual level to trust that what they do is enough? Are there changes that ought to be made on a grander scale to cultivate an environment where people more naturally take pride in themselves?

“We need to create and drive that conversation internally and with our mentors and loved ones. I suggest a five-year plan and making sure to celebrate our wins as we achieve our goals. Success should be based upon progress, not status—knowing where we started and how far we have come is a healthier conversation than a comparison to others.”

Question 5:

To me, this discussion speaks to the concept of impostor syndrome. Even in events that I am confident of my work, I still struggle to incorporate into my identity and self-perception that, by producing exceptional work, I am an exceptional or skilled person. I assume a default belief that I am, at best, average, and that average is not enough. I am a very good example of the very phenomenon you describe, and I have no experience in hospitality, validating your claim that it is highly generalizable from your industry.

“Knowing that puts you in an amazing position to get beyond it. I also think it is very normal to feel that way until we know otherwise. That’s why everyone loves winning awards, public recognition, peer respect, and financial stability—they all combat the fear.”

You're incredibly accomplished as a business owner. Have you personally struggled with imposter syndrome? How did you come to trust that your accomplishments were earned and enough?

“1000% and I still do now, I still have so much life to live and things to conquer. There is never enough life lived, just an hourglass and diminishing sand. Imposter syndrome returns with renewed vigor at each step of life and career. It gets easier to get over the hump and I have found it diminishes with time; I plan for it now for about 36 months with each new business or life goal. As a new parent, as the first VP of a big company, as an entrepreneur, as a caretaker for an elderly parent, or in a new personal relationship, all of the important life steps will create a concern over potential success and failures. I think rather than view it as an unhealthy syndrome, use the concern to fuel your desire for excellence as I use my ‘Divine Dissatisfaction’ to fuel mine.”

Question 6:

This is a question I hoped to ask during the panel, and reserved, in favor of encouraging the audience members to participate. In all your many accomplishments, what is the one thing you are most proud of? How does it differ from your general pride in doing enough and doing a good job?

“Creating a hospitable work environment for my employees where they have stability and joy while simultaneously supporting my family is absolutely my best accomplishment. I believe understanding others and nurturing them is my calling.”

Having high expectations for yourself can motivate you to grow and work harder, but we often use them to justify putting off time for self-love. It’s easy to say that it’s not enough. It’ll never be enough.

I didn’t go to my high school graduation. I didn’t value people or events that recognized that I had done something worth celebrating. LaMorte reminds us that to hold high expectations, you also have to celebrate your milestones.

It’ll be outside your comfort zone. It feels safer to never be enough. It feels safer to disappear into your work, to brush it all off. If you do celebrate, you try to keep it small, with as few eyes on you as can be. The attention feels like it burns.

Our own Melikabella Shenouda hosted a workshop last April where she had each of us draw a card with an affirmation and reflect deeply on how it resonated with us. Mine said, “I am worthy.”

Monica led all of us in a mantra the same day that she ended with that same affirmation. “I am worthy.”

It took me a whole day to find meaning in that for myself. The words sound empty and overused. I realized eventually that they meant “I am worthy of what I already have.” I have earned and deserve my place here. My accomplishments have worth. I have worth, now, as I am.

When it actually comes time to step out of my comfort zone and accept praise, attention, or celebration, I don’t remember that sentiment. But it is true. It’s true for me, and it’s true for you.

I am worthy. This is enough. Being a student is enough.

Or a graduate,

an artist,

a volunteer,

barista,

assistant,

caterer,

cashier,

Whatever it is you’re doing, whoever you’re being. It’s worth being proud of. It’s enough.

About the Author

I’m an LYF administrator and wellness coordinator who works closely with the writing teams. I have a background in journalism, technical writing, poetry and creative prose.

Introspection and careful behavioral analysis have been my most refined skill. I take a deep care in observing and understanding the people around me. It’s an interest that is only fair or possible to do if you're 100% accepting of what you're going to find in people. To discover the things they can't admit because they dislike it in themselves is cruel and unkind unless you take on a particular perspective that at worst their worst traits are neutral.

I define myself by that perspective of radical acceptance, and I hope that you as readers can feel warmth in my work.