How to Know When You Belong

Belonging can take on multiple interpretations, but is most recognized as the human need to be valued. This sense of value can derive from a variety of sources, including individuals, groups, communities, and more. While one can receive satisfaction from any form of belonging, one cannot earn the fullest extent of belonging without realizing it.

Many people desire to belong; however, belonging is much more than one’s assimilation in a social setting. Belonging is meant to foster meaningful connections between people beyond surface-level recognition. Though, how can one realize when they truly find a place to belong?

This can be realized through several qualities, but is most evident in five key aspects, referred to as the pillars of belonging: being welcomed, known, included, supported, and connected. These pillars can be identified through other means, but regardless, each serves as a key element of belonging that can be used to determine when one belongs.

Welcomed

The first instance of belonging begins with how one is introduced to and welcomed into a new environment. Being welcomed can be as simple as receiving a handshake from a new peer, along with a pleasant introduction that provides a brief overview of who they are, what they do, and how it relates to their life. 

These actions make one feel involved rather than excluded from the social circle. It also gives them an opportunity to blend in with their peers through topics they find relatable or enthralling upon first meeting. Although this only scratches the surface of how one can recognize whether they belong when it comes to the welcome pillar. 

While these warm greetings are a great way to foster a short-term sense of belonging at the beginning of a new relationship, the consistency with which one is embraced matters. To elaborate, the effort put into welcoming someone when first meeting should be just as important as the effort put into welcoming them each day after.

If a new relationship were to be cut abruptly short due to a lack of interaction beyond first introductions, then it may imply there wasn’t enough consistency to build a stronger connection to begin with. This could cause one to feel isolated from their surroundings after not receiving the same welcoming vibe each day, and to experience further alienation within the social circle; one may not feel welcome in a space where they thought they could belong. 

This is why if one were to feel welcomed each day they’re involved in a certain social space, whether that be through consistent check-ins, conversations, and more, they are one step closer to feeling like they belong. 

Known

Some recite, “To be loved is to be known,” as famous author Tim Keller once said.

The same idea applies to a sense of belonging, where being seen can make one feel they truly belong.

The second pillar of belonging, known, corresponds with the act of acknowledgment for one’s values, interests, or preferences. This can be as simple as being reminded of someone after seeing something that resonates with them, or an act of consideration regarding potential likes or dislikes of food, drinks, entertainment, and more.

All of these notions point to the idea of one being seen for who they are rather than being ostracized or unacknowledged.

Being seen can bring people closer to a sense of belonging because it offers the profound revelation that they are wanted by their peers. This would encourage continued efforts to connect and bond with peers, as being known provides the security of a comfortable space where they feel they belong.

Included

Inclusion is a vital part of belonging, as it ensures that one is given the chance to engage with their peers and form stronger bonds through social connection.

The practice of inclusion ensures that everyone involved in a social circle, whether in a classroom, an occupational retreat, or elsewhere, feels fairly integrated and valued by one another. Being included could significantly contribute to one’s sense of belonging, as it could ensure that one feels involved and cared for, rather than being intentionally excluded from a group or ignored.

Much like the welcome pillar, the consistency with which one is included is crucial for making one feel like they belong. Inclusion should not just be an act of consideration when someone appears isolated, but rather an expectation within a social circle.

Exclusion, in any form, even if unintentional, could damage someone’s sense of belonging and self-worth.

If one were to feel consistently included among their peers, that would be another stone placed on the path of belonging, as it further fosters a shared sense of care and community. This could also encourage one to offer further compassion and consideration to others who may doubt whether they belong.

Supported

The fourth pillar explores the deeper meaning of belonging: when one is supported by their peers in personal ambitions, goals, or dreams, it can entail a deeper bond between them. While the first three pillars, welcomed, known, and included, could all guide one towards recognizing where they belong, feeling supported is one of the pillars that explicitly carves out a place for one to fit.

There are multiple ways one could be offered support, such as words of encouragement, empathy through conversation or listening, and those actions could allow one to express their most authentic self.

Support is felt when a person allows themselves to be vulnerable about anything troubling them with someone else. This correlates with belonging, as it reflects a shift from merely coexisting peacefully among peers to building trusting relationships, to the point of expressing emotions beyond contentment or happiness.

When one is given the space to express themselves freely, it signals belonging, representing a newfound faith one may have in those around them. This is because receiving support after a moment of vulnerability could ease any tension or discomfort one had in a new environment, and make one feel closer to those who provided them support.

This support offers a sense of familiarity, which could lead someone to feel as if they truly belong. If one were to feel supported and open among their social circle, that is a pleasant implication of belonging.

Connected

The final pillar of belonging completes what it means to belong by bringing together the qualities explored in the previous pillars. Connectedness grows through experiences of being welcomed, known, included, and supported.

As has been said throughout the other sections, the pillars are stepping stones for creating true bonds. Once a person has connected with someone inside their social circle after recognizing each of the pillars, that showcases a sense of belonging. This is because to form a real connection, one must belong to an individual, a group, a community, and more.

Connectedness can be felt through the sharing of experiences, vulnerability, support, compassion, and so much more. If one feels they are experiencing life alongside those they care for on a deeper level, that displays connectedness, as there is a mutual exchange of kinship.

This represents the final pillar of belonging, as it means one is wanted, needed, and cared for in that circle.

Conclusion

The origins of belonging are rooted in evolution, but today its benefits extend beyond what was once a means of survival in a troop. The sense of belonging can be further realized through exploration of the five pillars, and when one belongs, mental strength and resilience improve greatly.

According to the Mayo Clinic, experiencing a sense of belonging can improve stress management by helping people cope more effectively, as it helps them feel supported along the way in their respective spaces of belonging. In relation, resilience grows alongside belonging because one has, through connectedness with others, the strength needed to keep moving forward.

Belonging can impact someone’s life in more ways than one, not only by helping them form better connections each day in social settings but also by supporting their mental health. This is why recognizing when you truly belong is so important: it can help you throughout each day. Use these pillars as a basis to recognize how you can help yourself, even help others belong, and inspire a new wave of connectedness within more communities.

About the Author

Kylie "Stuart" House is a Journalism and Media Studies student at UNLV with a concentration in Journalism. Her interests in writing include events occurring at UNLV and across the state, with an emphasis on community engagement. She enjoys going to cafes with her friends, staying up late until the sun rises, and anything with an apple fruit theme.